Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said, 'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ....whether you're here or not.'
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage - Part II
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever '
'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last'
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
This is so hilarious..
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you..
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke..
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. So, every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. he told her he couldn't stop it and that is was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing. Tears in her eyes!
After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, "Honey, you were right..all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you"
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened..but by the grace of God, some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in!!!!!
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke..
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. So, every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. he told her he couldn't stop it and that is was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing. Tears in her eyes!
After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, "Honey, you were right..all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you"
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened..but by the grace of God, some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in!!!!!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Another EMAIL crap!! Haiyaa........
Some people say:Wife is a HARIMAU ...............Girlfriend is HARI HARI MAHU
And some say:Wife is like TV, Girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV, Go out bring HP.
No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old but HP is cute, slim, curvy and
very portable at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding.
Most Important, TV got remote but HP don't have.
Last but not least.......TV do not have virus but HP have VIRUS......Once get it,
HABIS LAH.So better choose TV lah...
(Honeybuzz says..Hehehehe..yalah..get virus..buy one free one promo arr..huhuhu)
And some say:Wife is like TV, Girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV, Go out bring HP.
No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old but HP is cute, slim, curvy and
very portable at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding.
Most Important, TV got remote but HP don't have.
Last but not least.......TV do not have virus but HP have VIRUS......Once get it,
HABIS LAH.So better choose TV lah...
(Honeybuzz says..Hehehehe..yalah..get virus..buy one free one promo arr..huhuhu)
Friday, September 26, 2008
LET"S HAVE A LAUGH...
This is hilarious...even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numbers! Exclusively only to great Malaysian and Singaporean........
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 . Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again back to 1.
This was what he came up with...
1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me. I run so fast until I felt 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6 . He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 ! and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1 .
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 . Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again back to 1.
This was what he came up with...
1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me. I run so fast until I felt 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6 . He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 ! and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1 .
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